Sometimes I think the world feels ominous. Where is my breaking point?
First, there was Kim.
Then there was a former student, who passed away suddenly last week.
My mother had surgery on her heart this week. She is doing well. Thank goodness. Hopefully out of the ICU tomorrow. Every time I see her she is better than the time before and I am confident she is going to be all right.
On the layover to my parents’, I got a call from my friend at school. A whole family died in a car crash. All of them. Three sweet boys from my classes and their parents. Gone. It doesn’t seem real. Then I see their pictures in the news. I just talked to them. On Thursday. They were all standing outside the teacher’s lounge, presumably to go to the basketball game the oldest was playing in. The oldest was really excited about his classes’ music project. He very badly wanted me to add a Michael Jackson song to the line up. And was so persistent in trying to get me to play “Keyboard Cat” on YouTube. The middle boy, always quick with a smile, was learning recorder. Always trying his very best. And the little one had just finished his first big music program. He was so serious. Like a little grown up. I’m pretty sure he remembered everything I ever taught him.
I feel like the world is ominous. And heavy. While I’m here supporting my parents through my mom’s surgery, I’m not really dealing with the grief of my lost students, but I know it’s going to catch up to me soon. Most of the time it’s easy to focus on other things, but each time I think about returning to school on Thursday, I see their faces. And I am enormously sad.