Sometimes I think the world feels ominous. Where is my breaking point?
First, there was Kim.
Then there was a former student, who passed away suddenly last week.
My mother had surgery on her heart this week. She is doing well. Thank goodness. Hopefully out of the ICU tomorrow. Every time I see her she is better than the time before and I am confident she is going to be all right.
On the layover to my parents’, I got a call from my friend at school. A whole family died in a car crash. All of them. Three sweet boys from my classes and their parents. Gone. It doesn’t seem real. Then I see their pictures in the news. I just talked to them. On Thursday. They were all standing outside the teacher’s lounge, presumably to go to the basketball game the oldest was playing in. The oldest was really excited about his classes’ music project. He very badly wanted me to add a Michael Jackson song to the line up. And was so persistent in trying to get me to play “Keyboard Cat” on YouTube. The middle boy, always quick with a smile, was learning recorder. Always trying his very best. And the little one had just finished his first big music program. He was so serious. Like a little grown up. I’m pretty sure he remembered everything I ever taught him.
I feel like the world is ominous. And heavy. While I’m here supporting my parents through my mom’s surgery, I’m not really dealing with the grief of my lost students, but I know it’s going to catch up to me soon. Most of the time it’s easy to focus on other things, but each time I think about returning to school on Thursday, I see their faces. And I am enormously sad.
February 20, 2011
throwslikeagirl74
4 responses to “Ominous”
Gina
February 20th, 2011 at 21:24
You are in our prayers and that family is in our prayers. This has been a very rough start to a new year for me personally, and I am definitely getting the sense, obviously, that we have not been alone in our personal obstacles and griefs. While knowing that we never are alone in our troubles, the weight of it all can feel so overwhelming sometimes. But I do find that, hard as it may be sometimes, knowing that we are not alone when we sorrow and ache and that even the simple act of taking a moment to reflect and pray for those who are also in need of peace can bring a bit of respite to ourselves. I hope I am conveying my thoughts without sounding preachy, I tend to keep that aspect of myself very private, but I do like to say a small prayer when I sense one might be needed or welcome. These are a lot of words from someone who enjoys your blog but prefers the “lurker lifestyle”! God Bless!
kari s.
February 21st, 2011 at 08:42
My lord nicole.. that is a very heavy weight to bare. I am sooooo sorry! It brought me to tears when I watched the news about the crash. It breaks my heart. I pray your mom continues to have a good recovery and give yourself lots of time to grieve. Everyone grieves differenty and time will heal your heart. It took me five years and counseling when my Dad past away years ago. It does and will get better with time. I am here for you!
Terrie
February 21st, 2011 at 23:50
I am so sorry, Nicole. I read about the terrible tragedy of the car accident, but I didn’t realize you knew the children personally. Ill be keeping you and their family in my thoughts. I’m very glad your mom is doing well. I hope she will be able to go home soon and make a speedy recovery.
Monica Meyer
February 22nd, 2011 at 12:38
Oh, sweet nicole, I can offer you nothing but my thoughts and love. You are brave and strong and I am sad for you that the word feels so dark and ominous right now. I didn’t realize the family went to your school. You’re the second friend I have who was directly affected by the tragedy. Peaceful thoughts for the memories of the good time to bolster you in the dark. I’m glad you’re mom continues to do well.