There’s a sort of state of cancer address by Katie Couric posted over at Stand Up To Cancer. It’s nice to see new therapies being researched.
Heart Nurse February 1, 2010
Erin was pretty amazing. She was a nurse and had two small children and a husband. And like me, she was diagnosed with Stage III breast cancer in January 2008. We met on the Young Survival Coalition bulletin board. Her login was heartnurse, because she worked in the cardiology ward of her hospital. Over at the YSC, it is common that women who are going through treatment at the same time create their own little treatment group and so we became the Moxies (because we started chemo in March.) We commiserated about treatment, side effects, losing our hair and sometimes our dignity. Also we talked about how we worried what our diagnosis and treatment meant for our kids. She called me the day she found out she had progressed to Stage IV. I remember being at a loss for words, which is hard to fathom, I know. When my friend sent me Tinkerbell wings, she sent me some extra for Erin’s little girl as well as a copy of the movie. (She loves fairies.) When her first oncologist told her she had a month left, she picked herself up and went to Chapel Hill for a second opinion. That was last year. She did everything she could to fight off the beast.
She was a fighter.
She was a nurse.
She was a Mama and Wife.
She was a Moxie.
And now she’s gone.
Peace be with you Moxie-girl. We miss you already.
I am a copycat. January 31, 2010
At school a couple weeks ago, one of the 1st grade teachers was wearing a super cute short sleeve sweater. After developing an acute case of sweater-envy, I decided that I was smart enough to knit a copy for myself. I dug through my stash and found some half knitted chunky grey wool which I then un-knit and re-knit into a sweater. I knit a neck band, picked up stitches along the edge and used the proportions from cosmicpluto’s top down raglan sweater. Size 13 needles and chunky yarn means a quick sweater! The yarn was a little musty so I washed it and it grew. I love the length that it ended up, but now my carefully planned waist shaping is now butt shaping. Best laid plans. Now I need a button.
Not a great picture.
1, 2 January 26, 2010
The boy and I were at Sunflower Market today and as I was getting ready to lift him out of the cart, I started counting to 3 just like I always do. Before I could get past 1, 2, he said, “Buckle my shoe!” Now I had no idea he even knew this rhyme so I played along.
3, 4 – Shut the door!
5, 6 – Pick up sticks!
7, 8 – Put them on the floor, flat!
9, 10 – Start all over!
Apparently rhyming isn’t one of his strengths.
Have to love his enthusiasm though.
Two Years January 25, 2010
So I couldn’t sleep last night. At first it was just normal Sunday night anxiety, thinking about school. How am I going to tighten the ranks in middle school without alienating them? How am I going to get them to the high school for rehearsal. Do I have enough kid coverage for my upcoming accompanying gig. Stuff like that. But when those fears quieted, I still felt weird. Almost like the anxiety attacks I had as a kid that came back with my diagnosis.
And then it hit me. Today’s my cancerversary. Is it possible that the body remembers even when the brain’s on to other things? When I was in college, working for the Math Mod program, the deadlines for students to start taking tests was a very stressful time. Years later, my friends who were at the job with me and I realized that we would still get inexplicably stressed out at that same time every year, long after we’d started other jobs. It makes me wonder if my body’s still in this sort of cycle of stress.
Two years ago today I found out a had cancer. One year ago this month, I was diagnosed with lymphedema. Today, I don’t even have any doctor appointments. (Until next month.)
I wonder how long it will take for my body to forget?
Charming January 20, 2010
Remember that second grade I was worried about? Well I’m not sure what happened but the last two times I’ve had them they’ve been the most charming 2nd graders I’ve ever seen. Sometimes as a teacher when you have a lesson plan, you have how you hope it will go, and how it really goes. Most of the time, it’s the latter. They’ve been the kind of group you wish you would get your formal observation during. So weird. I’m pretty sure the other teachers think I’m making it up. (I probably would think that too.)
Middle school is giving me headaches. I’m not sure if it’s belting Interplanet Janet 5 times a day or just the fact that it’s not ready to perform. Today, after consulting the middle school teachers, I pretty much assigned parts by sneaking up on kids in the hall way and telling them they should do one. Could that be construed as bullying? Heh. I’m going to be handing out mini scripts on Friday and a few kids are going to be surprised to find that they have a part. I’m also building in some fail safes in case a part doesn’t show (something I learned to do a long time ago). Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fun musical, but man, I’ll be glad when it’s done.
Cheers! January 13, 2010
So today I was teaching a rhythm cup passing game (so creatively named “Cup Thing”) to the 5th graders. I’ve taught this more times than I can count so I’ve learned that if I want them to listen to instruction they need to either have their cup on the floor not touching it, or hold their cup in the air. Today I chose the latter since they already had them in their hands. Taking a chance, I asked them “Why do you think we have our cups in the air?”
And one boy seriously said, “So you can say, Cheers!”
Heh.
Too funny.
And did I mention I have a high school intern? I sort of knew this, but I forgot until he showed up today. Luckily he’s a kid who really loves music and throws himself into whatever the kids are doing. I think this could be very cool.
Back in the saddle. January 12, 2010
So I’m two days in and still alive. Tired, but alive. 
And I mean that in the most positive way. I’ve had such great fun teaching these last couple days. It will be sad when the honeymoon is over. But it will. And there will be testing. (Both by the kids and by the district. Heh.)
So what I’ve discovered so far is:
1) Middle school kids can be cute. Loud, and sometimes annoying. But cute.
2) There is a seriously different dynamic when all your classes have twice as many boys in them as girls. No really. They do. The most extreme is at a 17 to 3 ratio.
3) Some second graders need to work on their brain filters (we call them “Positive Choices!”) as I was asked if I was a man today. Awesome.
4) 3rd grade sings on pitch!
5) 4th grade is pretty rhythmically solid
6) I taught the most mature group of 1st graders I’ve seen since’s Ms. O’s class back at the old job that loved to listen to Chattanooga Choo Choo as a reward for good behavior. (No really. They did. Would you like to play a game? Nah, but could you put on some of that big band music?) I had the wrong roster for today’s class so only half of the kids were correct on the seating chart. Which could have been disastrous. But they just played along, told me their names and found their own places to sit on the floor. Too crazy.
7) 2nd and 5th are going to be the challenging ones in this rotation. But only sort of. They were still easier than other classes I’ve had. I also find that sometimes the best stories come out of those classes. So stay tuned…
PS Music Teacher friends: I’m sorely in need of some pitch matching exercises that aren’t dull and boring. And any advice for the changing middle school voice would be greatly appreciated…
Stormy Weather January 6, 2010
I had such a wonderful morning. Kids got up. I got up. On time. Got to daycare and school. On time. Met the staff at my new school. Everybody was super nice and I got such a great vibe from all of them. You really get a sense that kids come first here. And that’s awesome. (I love the word awesome, but it’s so hard not to hear Keanu Reeves when I type it.)
I feel at home and I haven’t even finished putting the room together. And I figured out how to fit 7 congas in my cabinets. 4 more to go.
The weather was turning just as I went to pick up the boy. Snow started fall. Not the pretty kind but instead the blizzardy kind that obscures your vision and hides treacherous ice patches on sidewalks. Which I did manage to find and fall on. I’ve been afraid to look at what I’m sure is a very lovely bruise.
As the weather continued to worsen, so did the mood of the day. My once cheerful children became sullen and whiny. (Apparently it is very unreasonable to turn off the TV at dinner. Who knew?)
The phone rang. One friend was calling me on behalf of another. To tell me her cancer is back. She and I were diagnosed at the same time. Similar stage, though she had different pathology. We went to the support group together. Our kids are roughly the same age, though she had the added challenge of a baby during treatment. My heart is broken for her. I feel like there are icicles in my lungs as there is cancer in hers. All that she’s been through, the surgeries, the chemo, the radiation, didn’t keep it away. I will never understand why treatment works for some and not for others. It is incredibly unfair. But then disease is not concerned with fairness.
Pray for K and her family. Please. For the right chemo cocktail to keep her cancer in check. For strength as she starts the fight again. For hope, because none of us has an expiration date stamped on us.
Random last thoughts for 2009 December 31, 2009
1. The kids participated in their first Christmas pageant. If I’ve learned anything as a music teacher, programs go however they go. Sometimes they way you planned them. And sometimes not. Either way it usually makes a good story. Our good story is this: after two rather flawless rehearsals where J dutifully pretended to eat hay, he melted during the show. Literally and metaphorically. Heh. In his costume, he looked more like Cousin It, than a donkey. Probably because he wouldn’t wear the ears. So anyway, we were sitting in the back so this is mostly second hand information. Apparently, he and the sheep were wrestling (behind the altar of course) and he bonked his head on the floor. Well add that to being tired and overheated and he was done. I kind of wish I could have seen the barnyard brawl.
An overheated donkey and a sleepy sheep.
L did a wonderful job as Mary. She took her role very seriously. And there was no throwing the baby Jesus down the stairs like she used to do with her baby dolls. Whew. (Mom! I’m seven years old now! Sheesh! is what she says every time I tell that story.)
Having a little chat with an angel.
2. Christmas was wonderfully laid back. I was in charge of bringing the salad and dessert. Score! AND I got a Snuggie.
3. I was noticing the other day that one of the many “gifts” cancer has given me is the ability to swallow a large amount of pills at once. With coffee.
4. Wii Fit Plus is awesome. I especially like being the bird. I like the bicycle riding, but I have a tendency to get lost. So I really get my exercise when I play. I am also appalled at my computational skills. There is a game where you have to bump numbers with your behind to add up to 10. You’d think I’d be able to add to 10. You’d think. Darn negative numbers.
5. I just paid the bill for my lymphedema sleeve. And now it’s time for a new one. Woo. I think I might get a crazy color one this time. Or tie dye my old one.
6. I read my horoscope over at the Yahoo main page today. It says I’m very productive today. Heh. I guess I sort of was. Still have so much to do though. Tomorrow. It also says, “Your new commitment to self has given you a renewed appreciation of the your divine wisdom and accomplishments.” Heh. I especially like the “of the your”.
7. Have a Happy New Year, everybody! Don’t let bad grammar or the inability to add ruin your evening. It’s not ruining mine. Grins.
