So last night I got dizzy. Like I think I’m going to pass out, my heart is racing, I should probably pull over the car dizzy. Then it happened again this morning. Twice. I went to the doctor and after ruling out a DVT (tamoxifen makes a girl high risk for those), we still don’t have a good answer. The best guess is my naturally low blood pressure dropped even lower causing the dizziness. I guess that happens sometimes.
When I was in high school, I had dizzy spells like this. I carefully practiced not being afraid, breathing deeply and ignoring my hypochondriac tendencies, until I pretty much had it under control by my young adult years. I could get by with, “it’s probably nothing.”
Until it wasn’t nothing. And all that calm was gone. There are so many possible side effects from the treatment, even this far out, and the medicines, it can make your head spin. So now I freak out. Every time. Because I had cancer. And because I have a family. And so so much to lose.
It’s been 4 years.
So when does the fear go away?
May 22, 2012
throwslikeagirl74
5 responses to “Fear”
pam
May 22nd, 2012 at 19:56
I wish it did go away. You know I wish that. Waiting for good answers with you, love.
Sophanne
May 22nd, 2012 at 20:41
We are here. We are here. Its all I know to offer.
sandpipersue
May 22nd, 2012 at 23:29
I’m 80, Nichole, and it never goes away for one who knows how precious life is. Poetry helps, music helps, and living every day as best as one can helps.
I had a similiar episode (faint feeling etc.) and my blood pressure meds were too strong. Reduced them – now OK.
Cathy R
May 23rd, 2012 at 06:10
I don’t know if it ever goes away. But I do know that your friends are here for you.
Laurie
May 23rd, 2012 at 08:36
oh my dear. i know exactly what you mean. the most minor irritations now send me into a tailspin. it’s a totally unfair side effect of what we’ve been through. i hope you confirm soon that this too was a nothing and i hope that the fear diminishes with time. xo