So I couldn’t sleep last night. At first it was just normal Sunday night anxiety, thinking about school. How am I going to tighten the ranks in middle school without alienating them? How am I going to get them to the high school for rehearsal. Do I have enough kid coverage for my upcoming accompanying gig. Stuff like that. But when those fears quieted, I still felt weird. Almost like the anxiety attacks I had as a kid that came back with my diagnosis.
And then it hit me. Today’s my cancerversary. Is it possible that the body remembers even when the brain’s on to other things? When I was in college, working for the Math Mod program, the deadlines for students to start taking tests was a very stressful time. Years later, my friends who were at the job with me and I realized that we would still get inexplicably stressed out at that same time every year, long after we’d started other jobs. It makes me wonder if my body’s still in this sort of cycle of stress.
Two years ago today I found out a had cancer. One year ago this month, I was diagnosed with lymphedema. Today, I don’t even have any doctor appointments. (Until next month.)
I wonder how long it will take for my body to forget?