I had my appointment with my oncologist yesterday and learned the next stage of The Plan. I knew Tamoxifen was next in the line up, but I didn’t really know what it did. It turns out, Tamoxifen (or the generic version which my insurance will pay for) allows me to be a 30ish year old for a while. Apparently in the olden days, an estrogen positive cancer meant yanking pretty much anything that makes me female. Tamoxifen creates a sort of force field around any existing cancer cells, making it so estrogen can’t make it grow. It also allows my body to be in it’s 30s for a little bit longer. At the end of 5 years, there will be some choices. If my body has gone into menopause, I can choose to do nothing. If it hasn’t (I’ll only be 39), I will have to make a choice. I can get my ovaries removed, or again I can choose to do nothing. Truthfully, the idea of doing nothing freaks me out. My major coping mechanism through all this has been the attitude that I’m fighting something. When I feel like I’m not fighting, the panic sets in. And that’s why there’s Ativan. Heh.