I had my appointment with my oncologist yesterday and learned the next stage of The Plan.  I knew Tamoxifen was next in the line up, but I didn’t really know what it did.  It turns out, Tamoxifen (or the generic version which my insurance will pay for) allows me to be a 30ish year old for a while.  Apparently in the olden days, an estrogen positive cancer meant yanking pretty much anything that makes me female.  Tamoxifen creates a sort of force field around any existing cancer cells, making it so estrogen can’t make it grow.  It also allows my body to be in it’s 30s for a little bit longer.  At the end of 5 years, there will be some choices.  If my body has gone into menopause, I can choose to do nothing.  If it hasn’t (I’ll only be 39), I will have to make a choice.  I can get my ovaries removed, or again I can choose to do nothing.  Truthfully, the idea of doing nothing freaks me out.  My major coping mechanism through all this has been the attitude that I’m fighting something.  When I feel like I’m not fighting, the panic sets in. And that’s why there’s Ativan.  Heh.

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