Went to the oncologist today, and although it was a good visit, she really couldn’t tell me much since the tumor’s still inside me instead of being tested in the pathology lab. The big question is still, “Has it spread to the lymph nodes?” Learned about positive and negative receptors today (basically does the tumor respond to estrogen and/progesterone) and that it is likely that mine won’t. Not a fer sure, but the grade III label on the tumor makes it less likely to respond to that. I feel like I do right before we get on a plane to visit the family. My stomach is in knots and I know I’m probably not going to enjoy the flight, but it’s fine once we get there.
Enter philosophical, faith based observation:
I realized today that I’m not angry with God. I thought I would be. But I’m not. I guess I’ve never believed in a God that micromanages our lives. I don’t believe that He/She (jury’s still out on that for me. Grins.) necessarily stops bad things from happening, but instead, if we open our eyes, we can take some of his/her strength to deal with what comes. And for me right now, that strength is coming from you. Yes, you. My friends and family who bring me food, send me funny stories, call to see how I am, and listen to me when I’m not my usual Pollyanna self. The people who leave nice comments even though we’ve never met or even spoken. Anyway, thanks guys for helping me not to be angry with God. Being angry is like carrying a bunch of rocks around. And who needs a bunch of rocks anyway?