When it rains… November 3, 2009

1)  you get to keep your drain.  Really bad rhyme.   I know.  Drain stays till Friday.  I’m back on Levaquin (which the doc stopped a while back to put me on Bactrim) because my infection is resistant to Bactrim now.   Yippee.  I get the overachiever bug.  Anyway, Levaquin is scary expensive, even with insurance (For instance, I’m lucky it *only* costs me $50.) with even scarier side effects (like your Achilles tendon detaching somehow…)  Anyway, I’ve just got to keep in mind I’ve taken more toxic things in my life, like chemo and some really bad stuffed green peppers I made long ago.  I still have 8 pills of Levaquin left from a previous prescription and I’m hoping I can take those (I think he only wanted me on it for 5), so cross your fingers for me that the goddess of cheapness smiles on me and I can use it.

2) Pray for a friend’s mother (who is also my friend) whose Mom is dying.  You are never too old to miss your mother.  Or your grandma.  Or your great-grandma.

3)  Pray for my sister and her husband, for his mother passed away unexpectedly last night.  Death is never easy, expected or otherwise.

4) Pray a bit for me, because tomorrow all their children will be at my house.  I can handle it and it will be fine.  But a little prayer never did anybody any harm.  

Frankenlefty has left the building. October 26, 2009

Or will have by 8 am tomorrow.  Same problem as last time.  Infected skin, no bacterial growth in cultures.  They took about 200 ml of fluid out of frankenlefty this morning.  Brought it down in size from a freakish stripper boob to a normal stripper boob.  Can’t tell you how much better that feels.  It had actually started to migrate to the right so I truly would have been uniboobed.  PS says I stil have options.  I have to wait another 3 to 6 months to stabilize and we can work up a new plan.  Maybe one that doesn’t involve implants, depending on how frankenlefty looks without the expander.  That’s fine by me.

I have to admit there is just a tiny part of me that is glad to see it gone.  It’s been ridiculous, as I’ve mentioned before. I have to actually haul the thing up and out the window to reach things in a drive thru.  Definitely not going to miss that.  I will also be able to sleep on my left (once the drains are out.  Again.) without feeling uncomfortable.

Oh and I’ll have drains for Halloween.  I figure I can go as a Breast Cancer Awareness Borg.

I am 1 of 8.

Get your mammograms.

Resistance is futile.

YSC Hats 1 and 2 October 25, 2009

I was housebound yesterday since the roofers came and their trailer blocked in my car.  So I had to do some knitting then.  Darn it.  Grins.  Anyway I finished the first hats so I can get them in the mail on Monday.  Princess Isabella Monkey-Bear and Bob were very gracious to model them for me.

The earflap hat is the Thorpe pattern from Through the Loops!  I used LionBrand wool and some purple Jiffy for accent.  The beret is the One Day Beret from the same designer.  I used Wool Ease Thick and Quick that I got from Vera Chappell.  She was a very nice lady who went to my church when I was a kid.  She bought Girl Scout cookies from me.  And probably a lot of other things I don’t remember.  When her health started to fail, she donated her yarn to the crafting people at our church.  She passed away this last week.  I’d like to think this kind of thing is what she’d like her yarn to be used for.

The Thorpe hat is for the girl in Canada who I wrote about already.  The beret is for one of my fellow Stage III ladies.  A mama and 3rd grade teacher down in Alabama.  I hope the wool isn’t too hot.

Hats and Friday Feel Up. October 23, 2009

So I’m still knitting.  Socks.  Arm of Mom’s dress.  And hats.

I made a lot of hats last year.  Mostly for myself.  Some for others.

This year I decided to cope with Pinktober by making hats for some of the new girls (and old girls) over at the YSC.

This hat is for a 29 year old.  Who was just diagnosed with a recurrence.  She already went through this once when she was 26.  26!

I guess if there’s anything to take with you as October progresses, it’s that young women can and do get breast cancer.  When it comes down to it, it’s not about ribbons, fundraisers and charitable donations (though they are nice and helpful).  It’s about women being disfigured in a way that’s incomprehensible until it happens to you.  It’s about facing issues with fertility after diagnosis and treatment.  About the possibility of leaving our loved ones behind too soon. Our tumors are measured in centimeters (the average breast cancer tumor of someone over 50 is measured in millimeters.)   It’s a very different disease from breast cancer in older women.  So go check ‘em out.  Stay healthy. 

The Waiting Place October 14, 2009

In Dr. Seuss’s Oh the Places You’ll Go, he talks about the Waiting Place.  That’s sort of where I feel I am these days.

I had to go back to the doctors this week after I noticed a red spot growing on the underside of frankenlefty.  On Saturday, it started peeling.  I have to admit it was very tempting to just break down then.  For those of you who’ve been following, peeling was the beginning of the end for frankenrighty.  But I didn’t.  I made the appointments Monday morning and have dutifully gone to see both docs.  I can tell that Infectious Disease doc is trying to be positive but he’s worried.  Plastic surgeon is stumped and frustrated.  PS took some fluid today and is trying to see if it will grow anything.  (Remember that frankenrighty never grew anything until it was removed.)

I’m trying to stay neutral (positive but realistic).  Starting another round of Bactrim.  I seriously can’t believe after 3 1/2 months of antibiotics that any bacteria could possible grow in my body.  But apparently one is.

So I wait.

When it’s cold October 8, 2009

I like to bake.  And Colorado’s drizzly/snowy weather today is just perfect for that.  Happily, my friend Sarah posted a recipe for Pumpkin Gingerbread, which is now baking in the oven.   I did have to lighten it up a bit out necessity rather than taste.  I ran out of oil and sugar so I had to add some applesauce and 1 cup of sugar substitute (I’m trying out Xylitol.  We’ll see how that goes.)

My Mom called and wanted to know where I got the pumpkin.  (Apparently Floridian grocery stores don’t carry it until Thanksgiving.)  I am actually still using up some of my chemo brain pumpkin.  I’m not sure if I ever blogged about this, but I know I’ve told the story many times.  At some point last year, I developed a subconscious craving for pumpkin.  I never actually put it on the grocery list and I don’t actually remember doing it, but I guess I picked up a couple cans of pumpkin every time I went to the store and then put them away when I got home and promptly forgot about them.  About mid October, I decided to rearrange the pantry closet and found that I had purchased at least eight cans of pumpkin.  And one can of sweet potatoes.  And a butternut squash.  I have actually used 3 cans in just the last month.  And I still have more.

I guess I like my squash.

New J funny:

The boy has trouble with s and m’s  (no snickering).  So today he kept asking me for a noovie, which I took to mean “movie”.  Which was wrong.  He wanted a smoothie.  So I took this opportunity to work on the sm sound.  Sssssmmmoothie.    Ssssnoovie.   Ssssmoo.   Sssssnooo.  Ssssmah.   Ssssmah.  Sssmoo.   Ssssnooo.  Ssssmoothie.  Snoovie.

Snoovie it is.  One new correct letter sound is a win, yes?

Apparently, October 1, 2009

Pamela Anderson (Lee?  Not Lee?  What IS her name now?) is donating her boobs for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  And I was the lucky recipient of one of them.  Yep.  Frankenlefty is swelling.  At first I thought I was just being clumsy.  And I am.  BUT not to the frequency at which I have been abusing Frankenlefty.  Running into walls.  Shutting it in car doors.  Regular doors.  Doors are generally bad.  So I figure, it’s growing.  It looks huge.  It feels HUGE.

When I went to the plastic surgeons for our weekly tete a tete, the nurse who took me to the room said something to the effect of “Holey Moleg!  (J’s version of Holy Moly!) which made me think that she, too, had noticed it’s increased size.  Plastic surgeon looked at it and said in his usual dry humor, “Well.  I think we’re done expanding.”  He thinks there might be fluid there but we’re being very cautious about it because of what happened to Frankenrighty.

Saw the infectious disease doctor yesterday and he is cautiously optimistic that the antibiotic is working.  I’m learning not to get my hopes up.  I’m trying not to be negative about it, just neutral.  Reconstruction is severely impeding my quality of life.  I can’t volunteer for anything but food at L or J’s school because I never know when I’m going in for surgery.  I’ve had so many, I couldn’t remember them all when they wanted my history for the colonoscopy.  How sad is that?

I’m also having trouble remembering things.  Worse than usual.  I’m hoping it’s stress.

Wait.  What was I writing about?

Grins.

It isn’t even October yet… September 30, 2009

1.  And the pink ribbons are out.  Breast Cancer Awareness month can be a pretty sensitive topic for many survivors.  For some of us, it brings back the horror of the cancer ordeal.  For others, it feels like exploitation.  Here’s my take on it.  Large corporations donate a portion of their proceeds to Breast Cancer Research.  Which is good.  And we get a product with a pink ribbon on it reminding us that we are helping.  Which is also good.  But if you really want to make your money count, think about donating directly to Komen.  Or the American Cancer Society.  Edited to add: maybe not the American Cancer Society.  Read this and decide. That way ALL of the money goes to research.  And YOU get the tax break.  Not the big companies.  I’m not saying to stop buying yogurt with pink lids (though have you checked out how much high fructose corn syrup is in those babies?  No wonder they taste like dessert!)  If you want to wear a ribbon to remember someone or show support for someone.  You go right ahead.  Just don’t buy the Breast Cancer Kitchenaid.  (Unless you REALLY love pink.  Then it’s ok.)

2.  And the Halloween stuff has been out since the school supplies went on clearance.  I am resisting buying candy early.  I did, however, cave and get the kiddos their costumes.  So here it is.  A little Halloween preview.

I believe there is a FFFFFTT noise coming from J in this picture. Imaginary adamantium claws, no doubt.

3.  BTW.  I did buy breast cancer awareness cheese today.  But it was cheaper than the regular cheese.   And the actual cheese wasn’t pink.  Grins.

Sorely lacking the funny. September 23, 2009

Plastic surgeon sent me to an infectious disease specialist today.  There is a red spot on frankenlefty.  They’re putting me back on Bactrim (started Levaquin yesterday) but I can tell they’re trying to prepare me.  I think there’s a good chance frankenlefty’s going to fail.

I can’t find anything funny to say about that.

But give me a couple days.

Drainless with a side of itchy September 19, 2009

Sorry to keep some of you in suspense about my drain.  I’m sure much sleep was lost over it.  (I wonder if someone will ever design a sarcasm font.  It would be helpful.)  They took it out on Monday.

In fact, I’m full of all kinds of good news this week:

1. Drain is gone

2.  Infection is looking better, so I might get to do a one stage surgery next time instead of two (short version: no expanders, straight to implants)

3.  For better or for worse, I’ve reached my out of pocket expenses for the year so everything from now til the end of December is 100% covered.  I’m really hoping to get that one stage surgery in under the wire.

4.  I was told I have a beautiful colon.  How many people can say that?

5.  I don’t have to drink Gatorade with Miralax for 10 years (maybe 5 with my cancer history).  It’s awful.  I mean really awful.  Lemon lime Gatorade is bad enough but the Miralax turns it into a syrupy mess that just horrid to swallow.

I do itch though.  On the frankenlefty side.  Which is so weird, because I have no feeling there.  I actually run into things with my frankenboob and can’t feel a darn thing.  Shut it in the car door.  Really, I did.  Nothing.  Except the itchiness.  That I can’t scratch.  Because there’s no feeling there.  It would be funny if it weren’t happening to me. 

Ok.  It’s a little bit funny.